Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
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she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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