if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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