She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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