in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can I color on your dick again?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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