Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
you made out with another girl for some wings
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
