Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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