It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
