Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
