Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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