My first STD was from a foam party
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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