My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just forgot I was standing up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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