Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Who wears a wallet chain?!
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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