Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
