Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
