its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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