so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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