There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
