I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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