You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
