he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.