I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.