i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories