Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
