Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
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Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
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You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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