I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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