How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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