You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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