I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
