I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
