Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
