I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
