WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
