my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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