i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
