I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
