You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
