He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
