Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
