Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
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I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
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And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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