he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
