see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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