If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize