I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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