my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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