I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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