i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
