That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
