I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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