How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
