Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
