Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
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at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
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