im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
