How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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