is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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