Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba