I just pynch a tree in the face
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
