plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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