If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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