So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
