Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
