after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Please don't give away my fajitas
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
