she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
