i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
