Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
