Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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