I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
