I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think your dad took our porno
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
