You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
