i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
