It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
